Plymouth Michigan Straight
August 1986 to October 1986
What happened was I got Court ordered at age 14 to Juvenile Hall for possession of drugs. I was attending the local Middle School at the time. I was in the 9th grade. It was a horrible year. Throughout that year I was high all the time on whatever I could get which was usually pot,cocaine,acid and mescaline.The day I got caught with the drugs was the very first day I had them. Yes I was high that day. They had a big fat hall monitor named Cindy who searched me. They were in my coat pocket. I was carrying ”Beaners” which is a street slang word for LSD. Everyone here took them at that time. I had been given the Beaners to sell but thankfully didn’t get the chance to. I had told some kids about them and that is probably how I got caught. I had taken the Beaners several times.
They actually looked like purple and pink nerd candy, and I have no clue who told on me for having them. I don’t know who spilled the beans on me. The cop was already at the school office when they called me down. The cop gave me a choice. Give up the dealer or he was pressing criminal charges against me. I was terrified but there was no way I was telling anyone where the drugs came from. Had I given up the dealer I would have been killed. He was a hard dude out of Jackson State Prison or Michigan Prison and at the time he was in and out of jail and keeping in contact with me from Oakland County Jail. Just heard from a good source that he is still in Prison but I’m not sure what prison he is in now. I didn’t know it at the time, he was a child predator who had groomed me to sell his drugs. Anyway I ended up getting charged with “Drug Possession.” That started the whole thing rolling. The Police officer read me my rights in the Principal`s office and right after that the school called home. My parents weren’t home so my 21 year old sister who I had just given the Chickenpox to (I got them when I was babysitting some kids who had them) had to come pick me up at school. She was devastated and crying for me. She’s the one who told me years later she knew I was being sexually abused and she knew that’s why I was acting all crazy. But at the time I was viewed as a bad kid with a drug problem, and my mom was certain I was doing drugs too. So my parents cried. I was a failure too. One of the negative things that happened from getting in trouble over the drugs was that I ended up getting suspended for 10 days from that Middle School. During those ten days off I ran the streets with friends mostly, doing things I shouldn’t like getting high all the time,hanging out with shady people and making myself sick. My parents went to work and they didn’t really force me to stay home. Looking back I wonder why, but maybe they were sick of me. I wasn’t acting very nice to anyone. After the 10 day suspension was over I returned back to school. The vice principal was mean, the rest of the teachers were ok, the principal actually told me he believed in me and he hoped that in high school I would turn my life around. He said if i was his daughter he’d kick my ass and I wouldn’t be doing what I was doing. I think he saw a definite lack of discipline and pain in my life. I heard he actually became Principal sometime later at the children’s village after I had left there.
The worst was yet to come. So my Court date arrived. I didn’t have a lawyer, I had a court appointed case worker and he was a nice man. During this time my dealer had been privately pressuring me not to rat him out. He was scared and worried. The Judge said he believed that I wasn’t a criminal and he asked me would I like to go to rehab instead of Juvenile Hall.
Two months after the Court Sentencing I almost died. I was at my girlfriends house.I remember that her her house was always super clean. They parents were gone. We were drinking alcohol,smoking pot and taking Beaners. We were having a party with all these kids. I went into her bedroom to go to sleep. I was laying on the floor at a girlfriends house in pain, my stomach hurt so bad. I thought the room was upside down. I was hanging on the ceiling (which was really the floor carpet) thinking I was going to fall down on the floor if I let go. It felt like the whole room was spinning and I was spinning with it. I was trying to get up and I couldn`t get up. I`ll never forget it. It was just the worst feeling. It was weirdest moment and most unpleasant moment of my Life. I knew I was going to die. Her brother brought me a glass of milk. I started to feel better after awhile. I prayed to God to not let me die and I fell asleep. I looked in the mirror and my eyes looked blood red right before I fell asleep. I woke up. It was soon after that I quit taking those all together. The thought of them still makes me sick. The thought of other drugs sometimes pulls me back to wanting them. But I work hard to stay away from them and God is good and has kept me away from them.
About one later I went to this place called “Tennyson Center” in Ohio. I turned 15 there and I missed my family. I wouldn’t admit that I had a drug problem because I didn’t. So about a month in they said,” You are to sick to know you are sick. We are sending you to another place like this one closer to your home.” So since I was Court ordered to finish a program I said, ok. My parents picked me up and off we went. I remember hearing the song “Take It To The Limit” by The Eagles from their fourth album “One Of These Nights.” This song was playing on the radio while driving on the way to Plymouth Michigan Straight. At the time I didn’t know anything at all about Straight Incorporated.
So finally my parents and I arrive at this little gray box of a building and we all walk in. My dealer had already warned me in advance that any rehab would try to brainwash me and not to let them. Looking back I’m sure that was strictly for my benefit. So we meet with a lady with 80`s hair and a blue 80`s dress. There was a framed picture of First Lady Nancy Reagan hanging on the wall. So since I’m court ordered to finish a program, I agree to stay because I was terrified of getting my ass kicked in Juvenile Hall. I was a pretty little blonde girl and weighed maybe 100 pounds soaking wet.So after my mom and dad leave, three ladies take all my stuff and go through it searching for drugs. I had just come from a rehab in Ohio so I’m not sure why they thought I might have drugs. Then came that nasty strip search. The monster strip searchers, that was ridiculous, gave me issues for life. They had put me through that at the first place but Straight was the only place that had three people present. So the older lady must have been a staff member and the other two were oldcomers. The older lady touched me and I felt very violated. She seemed to be enjoying her job way too much. So after I was totally demeaned, I was told from then on that everywhere I went someone would always be holding my beltloop. Psycho, I thought. Well I’d be out in 30 days or so I thought. I found out later that wasn’t true at all.So they took me to a room with a man in his 20`s or so. I thought he was very handsome. I told him they just took my stuff. My favorite Harley Davidson shirts. They were black and I love them. I’m bawling. He asks me,” If they were pink do you think they’d have taken them?” I had been through so much at that point I laughed my head off and he did too.
So from there, “The Brute Girls,” aka “The Amazon Women,” (that’s how I thought of them,) came to take me to the blue chair room. They must have picked the taller, tougher girls just in case I tried to escape. They were dressed in the drab straight fashion so they looked very dorky to me. They just guarded the door and looked threatening so I’d let the staff lady do her rabid search and not try to run. When they took me to the intake room that was the first time I got beltlooped. The staff lady explained it was because I wasn’t able to be trusted. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why girls my own age would so gung ho about pushing other girls around like that. As time went on I realized that if they ever wanted out they had no choice and I felt sorry for them and scared for myself. So they made me introduce myself to “Group.” The handsome guy from the admissions proceeded to tell me that that he had taken my Cedar Point pictures of me and my best friend from my purse. He went on to say that I looked like a sick druggie,I was pathetic and that I would never be friends with her ever again. I was mortified. She was my best friend. Mr. Handsome lit into me even more by saying what a piece of ______ I was,how I was too skinny which was probably because I was a strung out junkie and how pathetic I was. This went on and on and on and and I tuned out 90% of this madness. All this in the first 15 minutes of entering Straight, in front of a whole group of kids and staff who I had never met before in my life. Then he asked if I had any questions and I stupidly asked when I would go to school. I was told that for twelve hours a day I would be sitting in a chair, focusing on what a piece of crap I was and figuring out how to change that. My stomach sank. The thought of that was just awful to me.
So later that night I was told I would be living with a girl named Julie and she would lead me around by my beltloop like a dog. She didn’t seem comfortable with this but she had earned the privilege to live at her home and go to school and she wasn’t about to give those things up. I was happy for her that she had gotten home and I didn’t want to screw her up either. I felt weird living in her house with her parents and brother. So they show me where we are sleeping. The windows are nailed shut. Blinds drawn. Alarm on the door. The Windows were locked. Her mom would take the light bulb out at night. We slept on cheap mats on the floor with one little blanket and I slept in a t-shirt and underwear and no socks. There was no furniture or clothing or anything in the room. She said she was sorry but she wasn’t getting knocked back any phases by breaking any of the rules. I don’t know what phase she was on. She lived in Jackson,Michigan. She got to go to school and live at home. Her mom told me she liked the new Julie so much more than the old Julie and Julie agreed. I felt sad for Julie. I didn’t want to have to lie and feign happiness with the program. I don’t think Julie was really happy. I think she was trapped and confused. As I laid there that night I prayed to God to let me die. But I woke up anyway. So at least I got to take a shower. When I went to brush my teeth I was told I had to use my finger and no toothpaste. I said, “That’s retarded, how come?” They said because I might try to get high. So when they weren’t looking I grabbed a big damn gob of toothpaste. I think she purposely looked the other way when I grabbed it and got some. I had to be in the bathroom with Julie and vice versa. I had to sit on the floor and she did the same with me. Like I said I think I could have knocked Julie back a few phases but I didn’t want to. She slacked off on her oldcomer duties.I never gave her parents cause to confront me. I listened to what they said, I couldn’t believe we were being locked in a furnitureless room in our underwear every night and internally I wanted to die, but I didn’t act out. So anyway, I remember Julie got to go to school. I heard her mom say she could wash her make up off before she went back to straight. I almost spit out all my milk. Poor Julie was supposed to go to school with no make up but even her parents thought that was nuts and were letting her bend the rules. That gave me some hope back in humanity they hadn’t all lost their damn minds.
So this went on for two months. Sitting twelve hours in group during the day and going to Julie`s house at night and back to Straight the next day and back to Julie`s at night. I tuned everyone out. I didn’t want to do those bad things to other people to get ahead. I remember the guys side and the girls side consisted of about 75 boys and 50 girls. Split up on two sides and the boys had to look at the floor when a girl walked by. Poor boys. I felt sorry for them. Sometimes they would insist I tell them what a druggie I was and I simply wouldn’t do it. Finally it was parents night. They said if I didn’t talk I’d be sorry. So when it came my turn I looked at my mom who was crying and I said, “I’m a thief, I`m a liar and I’m a drug addict.” My mom said something like,” I love you and I want you to get through this program and come home.” I wanted to say but I can’t make it through this program because it won’t be me that comes home.
Regarding my overall experience at Straight, I only got confronted a few times but when I did, I felt horrible with all those people yelling at me. I recall that lots of kids cried and I never cried, except in the intake room with the one staff guy. I heard a lot of commotions in the hall a lot, I didn’t want to see what was happening, I had only one goal, to leave. I did cry at night in my host home when I thought everyone was asleep. My tears are private.
As far as the nightly writing of M.I.`s goes, I never wrote any during my entire time there. I wanted to write and go to school maybe that’s why they didn’t give me pencil and paper. I did nothing. They told me I could do nothing until I would admit my drug addiction which I wouldn’t do. I thought confessing at parent night would help me but they said that was half ass bullshit and weren’t buying it.
I don’t remember the Homes Raps in particular or which night the Reviews were on. I don’t remember labeling them as anything other than the staff yelling at the kids and the kids saying they were dirt, they were drug addicts, thieves and stuff like that. I refused to speak. I didn’t talk back, I just didn’t speak. So they overlooked me a lot I think. Until my parents came. I told them I was a low down thief and druggie hoping I’d be onto bigger and better things, but that didn’t get me anywhere so I thought, screw this. I was afraid I’d become like Julie and all the other kids. They all seemed like brainwashed little minions to me and I felt bad for all of them but there was no way in hell I wanted that to be me, so I decided I had to leave finally and tough it out at the juvy and get home.
During my stay at Straight for two months it was the same drill day after day. Sit all day, go to the host home and back to sit all day. I saw boys being restrained in their chairs. Most of the physical abuse was directed at the boys. One event that stands out. Two girls in particular seemed to be very good friends. One played guitar, had short blonde hair and wore a cowboy hat, and would sing the song “Desperado” by “The Eagles” while she played. And one had long pretty blonde hair, I remember one of the guys teasing her and she just melted into tears. Poor girl, I think she had endured just enough teasing that she could not handle it anymore. I had heard there was no healthcare offered to others, I remember in particular being forced to get a Gynecological exam, one day out of the blue, they forced me. I said I didn’t want one, which I guess in the name of good health was a good thing to have, but that very same, day…week…some news reporters showed up to do a story on Straight. We were taken into a room with orange stripes at the top of the room and windows. A room I hadn’t yet had the privilege to see. The staff became friendly and asked the oldcomers to volunteer to answer questions. Once they picked the ones they could trust we sat there in a huddle and I stayed silent. After the news team left it was business as usual. So I began to think about leaving. A new boy came and I was staring at him…he felt me boring holes in him I’m sure and after a long time looked up at me…the guy staff jumped on him like he had committed the ultimate crime…he had looked at me… I felt so bad for that boy, it was my fault he was in trouble. I was staring at the boy because he was very cute, long blonde curly hair, and I think I had a crush.*LOL* He kept looking at me too, that’s why he got in trouble, teenage hormones i guess. He looked at me because I was staring at him. They said nothing to me. But him they got in his face bigtime. They asked him what his problem was why was he looking at me. He didn’t answer he looked sad. They told him don’t do it again and he apologized.
So shortly after this incident I began weighing my options. Since I was court ordered I knew I would end up in Juvy if I left, but I thought I’m never going to get out of here and juvy I knew could be completed in 90 days with good behavior. I thought I can be a very good girl and put up a wall and talk to no one for 90 days. I’d done it for almost 90 days now between Straight and the first treatment center I was at. I knew it was a risk and that I might get beat up in juvy, but if I stayed at Straight I may not have a mind left. I decided my body was temporary but my mind was forever.
So one day in the blue chairs, since I had been forced to go for the Gynecological exam, I knew there were two double doors at the end of the hall from the room where they examined me. If I could remember which ways to turn I could find those doors, run like hell and escape. So I’m sweating bullets and really mulling this over in my mind. So I decided now or never so I jumped up and ran past the boys to the doors that kept us in the blue room. I heard Mr. Handsome intake man yell at the boy who had been berated for looking back at me to get me, he was in the front row, took a step and a couple of others kind of started to run after me. One thing I had in my favor was the ability to run very,very fast. I didn’t look right, left or behind, I got out in the hall, remembered Thank God where those exit doors were and thought I hope they are not locked…and they weren’t. I ran like Hell and never looked back. I could hear people behind me chasing after me. Once I was finally out of that crazy building I had no idea where I was going, I had never been to Plymouth Michigan, but the Fall wet leaves scent in the air, I remember very well. It was cold but I didn’t care. I ran down a busy street, good thing no cars hit me and I didn’t stop until I hit woods.
The woods were filled with mostly oak and pine trees. I was a little disappointed because it was past the pretty part of fall. I was afraid I would step on a snake. I was afraid someone had followed me and would grab me but thought no way I had run fast. I didn’t see anyone in the woods, just squirrels and birds. I ran as deep into those woods as I could go and walked until I hit pavement again. I was free! I remember I was tripping and branches were hitting me in the face so I had to focus and watch where I was going, my mind was in a state of chaos, I didn’t really know where to go or what to do, just kept going. It wasn’t a big woods, I had no idea how big it was when I ran into it, but I got through it in about 15 minutes when I hit pavement again. I was just glad to be alone at last, I guess I was kind of disappointed that I hit pavement so fast, but I knew I needed to keep going. It was a cold day, but not freezing, I love the smell of fall and I remember the smell was so wonderful, and fresh air, since they kept us so cooped up, I had gone to the first place in August and now it was November so I had missed most of fall.I really didn’t take time to enjoy it or look around, the leaves were off the trees mostly and I was scared someone could see me if they had followed me, more leaves would have given me a better chance to hide. It was already early to late afternoon and I was concerned about making it home before nightfall, which I barely did.
So I started walking and came to a gas station and I asked a man how I’d go about getting to Waterford. He said, “You running away from home?” I said, “I was heading to home.” He pointed me to some roads and it wasn`t long after that when I ran into some teenagers in a car and they said they’d take me but they had to pick up some weed. So I rode with them to pick up the weed. And heard Bon Jovi. Aahhh music. Well after smoking the weed nobody could remember they were supposed to be taking me to Waterford. So I started walking again. So I was walking through a parking lot and a man picked me up. He said he could take me to Waterford. So I get in. He asks me, ”Have you ever been in there? I look over and it’s a strip club. So I say actually no. So he said he just came from there and starts driving. As we’re on the road and doing 50 miles per hour or so when he asks me for sexual favors and he says if I let him he will pay me. I said, “He’ll no. I’m a runaway not a whore!” So I’m freaking out telling him to stop the car because I will walk. So he pulls over and grabs my arm and I’m trying to jump out. He tries to hand me a ten dollar bill. I said, “I don’t want your filthy money” and he says, “Please take it and be safe because most girls like you don’t make it home.” So I grab the ten dollar bill, jump out of the car and run to the nearest gas station. Whenever I think about that guy the hair stands up on my neck. It’s sad kids were so desperate to get out of there they would risk that danger.
I don’t remember the name of the club, I didn’t even know it was there until the guy pointed at it and told me what it was, I remember he had glasses, straggly reddish hair, he was kind of fat, he seemed very old to me, probably in his 50′s, and when I realized what he wanted I felt disgusted and sick. I’m so glad I got away from him, we didn’t have crime tv back then so I was a little naive. His car was dirty and he was dirty and yes he smelled like smoke. And no he only asked if he could do some stuff to me, and I think my reaction surprised him, I was ready to kick his ass lol, he pulled over and gave me money, I told him to keep his nasty money, he said he was afraid I wouldn’t make it home, most girls like me don’t, he was probably a rapist or something, I ran like hell as soon as the door opened. I ran to a mobile gas station on Telegraph Road. I think I was in Southfield at the time.
So when I stop shaking and eating the candy bar I bought at the gas station with the ten bucks I start walking again. This time two truck drivers pick me up in an 18 Wheeler and take me a little ways then I’m out walking again. It wasn`t long when some guy picked me up and says my best bet is the expressway so the dude drops me off on I75. Soon another guy picks me up and takes me to my friend Ricky`s house where I spend the night. I hang out with friends and party and one of them tell me they had actually seen me on the Straight special they had filmed on Television. So the next day I’m with a girlfriend and she has the bright idea I should stay with some dealer friends. And while I’m there the cops show up. So the lady sicks her pit bull on them and shows me out the back door and I hop the fence and run and hide in a neighbors shed. I remember is the dog had big ugly teeth and she was sicking him on the cops, it seems like there were at least five people out there but i got away from them. I could hear the cops and see flashlights so I sneak behind the shed and when they don’t see me in the shed, they leave. So I wait until they’re gone and take off running through a field behind a church and I end up at a place called “Rams Horn.” So with some of the ten bucks I order some fries. As I’m eating a cop comes in and sits three tables away and doesn’t notice me. So at this point I’m cold exhausted and hungry. So I walk to a pay phone and call my mom. She comes and picks me up. She says the police have agreed my parents can take me back to Straight in the morning. So I sleep in my bed and eat at my home and I really want to stay but it’s go back or juvy and I am listening to my parents that in should give straight another try. So we go back to Straight. I was physically ill. I had run away, almost been raped and chased by police followed by hours of hitchhiking and then finally brought back to Plymouth Straight. They strip searched me again and brought me right back to the blue chairs room. I knew I couldn’t stay because I could feel I was getting sicker and sicker. At this point I’m numb and I don’t remember much. Just there was so much commotion over the boy I had gotten in trouble over my walking out. I knew my parents had to be a good couple hours down the road so I decided to leave again.
I can’t stay and they know I have a choice by court order so I go back in the blue chair room. The guy who I had gotten into trouble leaves. He got up shook his head and left. He walked forcefully. I think he was disgusted that I had come back. I don’t know if he ever left the building or got forced into another room in the building. He didn’t come back to the blue chair room. I was back at Straight for maybe a couple hours. My parents had brought me back and I knew it could only get worse so I left again knowing they’d have to shoot me to make me ever come back. So I leave again and I hear “Mr. Handsome” say, “Let her go.” I think they thought I was too much trouble. I had no energy left. It was the beginning of depression for me. I specifically remember thinking of suicide. So I was relieved when I heard him say let her go. I ran through the woods again and to the same gas station.The second time in the woods was faster because I knew where I was going. There was no clear path. I had to push through branches. The leaves were brown wet and ugly. It was late fall when the leaves fall from the trees. I was tired. It had been a long crazy few days. I had already made it home from Plymouth once.
This time I luck out and I find a nice couple in a pickup with their beagle dog. A lady and her dog were in a pick up and a man was pumping gas. I asked for a ride and I tell them my boyfriend left me on the side of the road. I was evasive. They knew I was lying through my teeth but they wanted to make sure I was safe. She said to the man, “We can’t leave her.” So and they take me all the way to Waterford. The trip took an hour and a half I think. They took me home except I had them drop me at the double barrel party store. I called my friend Carl and went to his house. He laughed his head off. Was proud of me for escaping. We went to a school where I knew a drug dealer janitor and he drove me to my grandma’s that night where she makes me goulash for dinner, washed my clothes and called my mom who came with dad to get me in the morning. My grandma always made the best goulash in town. We were always very close. Some friends said later they tried to find me at my grandma’s and she told them to stay away from me. This surprised me because she was a very loving woman to everyone. So anyway, I sleep on her couch and my parents pick me up in the morning and take me to juvy.
My parents took me to a restaurant and my dad broke down crying. I noticed he had gray hair. I felt bad. I knew I was hurting them and decided to get my life together so they wouldn’t hurt anymore. They tried to convince me to go back to Straight. I told them I’m so sorry but it’s an awful place and I just couldn’t go back there.
So I went to a Juvy place called “Oakland County Children’s Village.” My intake at juvy was a one lady strip search and not three like at Straight. My mom can’t look at me there in lock up so she leaves. I feel so alone. She comes back and says I love you no matter what and hugs me like she will never let go. Then it’s night so they take me to a cell and I’m relieved that I’m finally alone to process what’s happening and steel myself for what was coming. The next day I eat in a cafeteria with girls. As bad as juvy was, it wasn’t a crazy head game like straight was. Plus it was a lot shorter time and I actually got to go to school.
In lock up we had blue clothes like hospital uniforms or something, i was only there about two weeks, i think they could tell i was a good kid for the most part. that’s where we saw the film on pregnancy, school was in one little room, and really all I remember is that film, I remember one girl chose to keep her baby and she said it was hard but she was glad she did. there was a pregnant girl in juvy, and she ran away, her name was daisy, after i got out of lock up, we stayed in G building. she ran away and I hope she had her baby and lived happily ever after, she was only there for running away to begin with.
I got to go to school, it was a mix of races, I remember lots of fights and one kid getting beat up so bad there was blood everywhere in the hall of the school, I kept walking, I was on a mission to leave in one peace and never to return lol, i met a boy named Michael, he was strange but he was in love with me, we sat together in all our classes, we had typing class, that’s where I learned to type lol, we had gym together and we played basketball….the gym aide…later turned out to be one of my boyfriends mom’s, who i didn’t know yet, it was so funny, we met after i got out, he actually picked me up when i ran away from straight the first time and then we dated when i got out for a short time, he took me to his house and his mom was the juvy gym aide, talk about a small world, i said your mom must hate me, he said no, she thought you were the nicest girl and didn’t belong there lol. but then there was Jimmy, who didn’t have any classes with me, the long blonde haired drummer boy who brought me the flowers and wanted to marry me, lol, he brought his mom to meet me. He said to me later he was so nervous for me to meet his mom and i walked away and didn’t pay any attention to her and he was crushed, I did not know I did that and I felt bad when he told me that, because his mother has passed away. he was my protection at juvy, nobody messed with him or me because i was his girlfriend, him and Michael didn’t like each other, Jimmy told me later that when Michael got out he would drive by Jimmy’s house and stare at him, i did not know that. Michael ended up in jail. Jimmy i hear is back in jail, i haven’t talked to him since the day my daughter was born, very sad.
Got to go to school in a little room. I watched a film on pregnant teens and abortion. So I behaved myself for a few weeks and then I am moved over to minimum security where I live with girls and go to school with boys. I was getting hit on by some unsavory people and called “Barbie” by the girls. There were fights at school I stayed out. I had a friend named Michael that drew all the time. We stayed in touch. The boys all wanted to date me. One day one of the boys was in my face at school one day. I was sick and used that as an excuse to leave school. His breath was nasty. I told him to get out of my face. Some boy wrote something sexual about me in the boys bathroom. A long haired drummer named Jimmy got in a fight with the guy that wrote it. Then he asked me out. I said yes. I wasn’t dumb. I needed protection. Jimmy lived at home and just went to juvy school. He snuck me red roses and he protected me at school. We stayed life long friends but today he is in jail. Jimmy called my parents to ask about me for years and my parents never relayed the messages to me. We did hang out quite a bit and one day in my 20`s my dad finally gave Jimmy my number. We laughed. He said one day ”I guess your dad must figure after all these years I must really like you.” *LOL* I decided to stay out of trouble after my release. When I left juvy my math teacher said you will be back. I said never. I was never going back and I never did.
One final word about Straight. I remember being very unhappy, and before Straight I never felt that way, I remember those being the first days of extreme unhappiness that I just couldn’t explain.